Elon Musk to Seek Life on Mars and Keep It from Unionizing

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Elon Musk has announced plans to seek life on Mars and, if successful, to prevent it from unionizing.

The billionaire said that he would personally talk to the Martians and persuade them that joining a union would be a mistake that he’ll “make sure they’ll regret.”

“Right now, there appears to be water on Mars,” he said. “But if they join a union I’ll take away their water.”

Musk added that he would offer Martians an opportunity to work at Twitter, “but not if they want to work remotely.”

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