Increasingly Unhinged Jim Jordan Subpoenas Himself

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Republicans expressed alarm after an increasingly unhinged Rep. Jim Jordan subpoenaed himself to testify before Congress.

In a blistering statement, the House Judiciary Committee chairman demanded that he comply with his subpoena and called himself a “toadying Soros-backed flunky.”

“The message to Jim Jordan is clear: you can run, but you can’t hide,” Jordan said.

The Ohio congressman warned that, if he refused to testify, he would have “no other choice” but to call for himself to be jailed.

Behind the scenes, Jordan’s G.O.P. colleagues discussed replacing him as the chair of the Judiciary Committee with a more mentally stable member of their conference, such as Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Taylor Greene.

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